The ability to really hear and understand people is a negotiator’s most powerful asset. This may simply mean knowing when to keep your mouth closed, your senses alert, and observe the situation. By watching and listening to a person, even at times when you are less likely to be paying attention – before a meeting begins, during short breaks, at meeting transitions – you sharpen your awareness and may learn critical insights. Consider what they are saying rather than what they are telling you. Notice how their emotions align with what you are hearing. Take time to consider what you are learning and then show that you are genuinely committed to understanding.

These 4 strategies will help you sharpen your awareness during your next negotiation and become more effective at reading and reaching people in your daily interactions

Listen. Most people don’t spend nearly enough time listening. We spend too much time talking. This means that most of us don’t feel heard. A cycle of poor listening is perpetuated by those who don’t feel heard and understood, and as frustration mounts, we are all become less inclined to listen. So, ask questions, stop yourself from answering the questions you’re asking, and take a moment to listen.
Observe. Sharpen your awareness during transition moments. These are times when you might typically zone out and stop paying careful attention; but these are also the times when people are most likely to let their guards down. These moments are opportunities for you to learn important details about the other person. Notice how their actions and emotions align with what they are saying.
Allow for silence. Stop yourself from talking too much. Allow the other person to fill the silence.
Reflect. Don’t let your immediate reactions drive your behavior. Take a moment to reflect. Think about what you have learned. Consider how this aligns with your objectives and interests. Say back what you’ve heard to show your genuine interest and ensure you have understood correctly.

As you practice these strategies in your daily interactions, you will begin to develop a more nuanced understanding of the people around you – what motivates them, what frustrates them, what goals they are striving to achieve. This understanding will help you build community and be more effective in your everyday negotiations.